I’ve been gone for a minute but I’m back, for now. I know you are probably expecting me to write about why I haven’t been blogging weekly like I originally said I was going to do. Well, school, work, and interning is A LOT and some days I just want to rest. Neither here nor there, that’s not what this post is about. This post is about giving your heart the time it needs to heal!
Are you ready??
If you have followed me or viewed Journey to Joy part one and two, then you are aware that in 2013 I experienced something very traumatic. I gave birth to an angel. I’m very open about my miscarriage because most won’t discuss it for various reasons. I truly believe that my healing process will help bring healing to others. Something I learned about healing is that healing doesn’t occur overnight and it’s a process that a person must be open to. My healing process brought up the past, made me face the hurt, made me more aware of my feelings as well as others, and definitely brought about accountability. Now everyone’s healing process will be different but I definitely believe that in order to heal you have to be willing to give your heart a vacation.
The loss of my son was followed by the loss of someone else who was extremely important to me and in the mist of those heartbreaks I was in a battle with trying to make someone support me, love me, and care for me. I felt like I could overcome this pain and devastating loss with ease by having this specific person that was experiencing this as well, with me every step of the way. What I learned was not only did I not need that person but I needed to face and deal with somethings without the distraction of anyone or anything else. I decided to give my heart a break by not trying to fill voids on my own with my own desires and not trying to rush into any relationship with the next person. Instead I had some counseling sessions, definitely had many emotional days and nights with myself (crying is healthy), and focused solely on growing my relationship with God. I took myself on dates, did lots of reading, started my bible study (empowerment group) back up, faced some fears, overall I made time for Courtney. About 4 to 5 months after my miscarriage is when I was ready to date BUT not rushing anything, I entertained a few guys but nothing major. I set boundaries that I did not apologize for nor did I compromise. Then I would say maybe close to a year if not a year following my miscarriage I was caught off guard by someone that was different, a good different, let me be real for me it was a great different. Anywho, I won’t go into details but what I will say is when he showed up, I was in a good place. I had found some peace, I was getting back to me, I had learned somethings about Courtney, I was able to open up more, I was stepping into my womanhood and loving it, and I was willing and ready to share this Courtney that experienced major growth. I was ready and willing to not only receive love but really give love. Through this relationship I saw a Courtney I knew was there but I had never seen her in action and she’s amazing. I believe my very close friends and my Mother can speak on the difference better than me. I thoroughly enjoyed the positivity that specific relationship brought me. I also believe if I did not allow my heart to go on vacation, I probably would not have been able to enjoy it the way that I did and learn from it the way that I have.
I truly believe that with every loss or disappointment we can find a win, if we open ourselves up to learn from it. We do ourselves a disservice jumping from relationship to relationship or trying to fill voids with things that bring more negativity then positivity. This post may or may not be for you. If you are able to take anything from this, I pray that it’s you giving yourself the opportunity to take a step back and looking at the bigger picture when dealing with a heartache. I remember having a conversation with an associate and her saying: “I’m ready to be back in a relationship. It’s been a year; I know I’m ready”. Truth be told, we may feel like we are ready but are truly not. God knows better than we ever will and I think it’s vital that we trust His timing and not our own. Everyone’s healing process looks different and has its’ own time span. I just pray that you allow God to lead you to the way that you should go. I pray that from every disappointment and heartbreak that your goal is to learn, grow, get in tune and stay in tune with oneself, and stay connected to God. Evolving is beautiful and it’s never ending. Give yourself the love and time that you need to truly heal and grow!