Courtney Arlesia

Here is an area we ALL can level up in…

I wish I had some long drawn out perfectly written introduction but I’m going to get straight to the point…




Now I know many of you will not agree with me and that is perfectly okay. I’m not writing this to gain a round of applause or to have people in my corner. I am writing this because I am a writer and that’s what I’m going to do.


Here is a list of things that has become common for us and most of us are okay with it: throwing shade, “dragging” people, telling people how they should or shouldn’t live their life, telling people what emotions they should or shouldn’t feel when faced with certain life issues, and let me not forget to say that we are the absolute best internet trolls. I watch us leave hateful comments under posts and throw shade for days but why? How does that help us grow?


….It doesn’t

It leaves us stuck in the same place, acting like we all that but we really just frontin’ (sing that in your Pharrell voice).


What’s really the issue?!?!??

Everyone has the right to their own opinion, YES, but who do we think we are that we have a higher voice over others and their life choices.


Everyone wants to share some knowledge but no one wants to LISTEN to gain wisdom.


I am far from perfect and God is still dealing with my heart but I’m forever grateful that he continues to show me reflections of myself through my own behaviors AND the behaviors of others. I would call it growing pains and sometimes they hurt but they are very necessary.

So let me just be honest…Your girl (she, her, me) has thrown MAJOR shade and although I love people, I do not deal with everyone. My decision to NOT be in everyone’s circle is not something that I will apologize for. However, I can definitely apologize for actions and words towards others that have not always been a direct reflection of the woman God has called me to be.

Here’s some real reality…everyone IS NOT going to like you and you are not going to like everyone BUT dislike does not mean to disrespect or be downright hateful. I know I’m not the only one who has had those moments of just being petty, hateful, and mean. Never mind, I probably am because many of us like to make excuses for our ugly behaviors instead of being real about them and growing through them.


What I am learning is that we love to carry hate or dislike in our heart so much that we are blinded by the fact that we all have common issues. We all endure highs and lows, gains and pain, wins and losses, setups and setbacks, and much more. In the high moments we should be clapping for each other and in low moments we should be there for one another. Instead we find a way to continue our hate and we will dig in each other wounds making them harder to heal. Some of us get one healing victory and become so arrogant in our blessings and gifts that we forget our true responsibility is to take what we’ve learned and help others heal and grow.


One thing these past few years have taught me is that HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE and chil’ I’m tired of hurting. I want to heal, live free, and receive everything that God has for me. I do not want to leave this earth and nothing good can be spoken when someone mentions my name because of times I chosen to deliberately be spiteful or a downright asshole to someone else.


We really have to do better.

We really have to hold ourselves and each other accountable.

We really have to understand that our truth may not look like someone else’s but it doesn’t mean it’s not true. It’s true for them so accept it.


If you get nothing from this post, I really want you to understand that we all bleed red, we all put on our pants the same way, and in any moment we can be in the same place of someone we dislike, whether it’s high or low.


It’s simple:: the grace, understanding, mercy, and forgiveness we want from God we must learn to give it to others. The truth of the matter is, we are all human and we will fall short but there are simple things we can do to help us on this journey. For example, when it comes to social media we can disconnect, unfollow, block, or keep scrolling.

& in the words of the late and GREAT 2Pac: “…and the only time we chill is when we kill each other. It takes skill to be real, time heal each other”

With love,

Courtney Arlesia

P.S. If you just CANNOT stop throwing shade, contact your real friends and write it in your group chat. Everything doesn’t have to be said publicly to publicly tear someone down.

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